I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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