Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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