So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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