I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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