I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
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Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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