Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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