fuck your aforementioned shoe
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
