I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
