I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
