On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
