my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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