Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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