I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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