PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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