i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
