apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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