just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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