Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
