shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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