I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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