Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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