One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
