she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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