i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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