So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
