I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
