just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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