We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
