it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
