so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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