i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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