Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
