Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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