Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
