I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
