the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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