And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
