Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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