Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
