Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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