i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
