Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
