dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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