"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
