Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
