he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
