I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so let's talk penis.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
