That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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