so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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