Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
