Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
