Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
