i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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