can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
