Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
