no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
