Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
