he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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