I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize