I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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