I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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