6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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