I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
