i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
