Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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