we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
