just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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