she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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