It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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