who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
