Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
