Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
