1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
