I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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